Crankypants, party of ONE, your table is ready!

Reminisce with me! There I stood in my crisp, just fresh out of the package, tuxedo shirt, bow tie, white apron (kind of like a dork dot), and a enthusiastic smile. I was ready for my first day as a dinner server at an assisted living place. The first gentleman I met is Joe. "The nicest guy you'll meet, " exclaims my boss, "Is that so!" I say. Joe greets me and gives me the best hearty handshake I have come across in a while. I like him already. I notice on his shirt pocket he is wearing a patriotic ribbon. "Joe," I ask him " Are you a veteran?" " Why yes, " he proudly answers. "Well, Happy Veteran's Day to you, Joe!" " This girl is already a keeper, " Joe tells my boss. As Joe is walking off, he tells me that if I EVER need a dance, he is ready! I just might talk him up on his offer. I silently bear my oldmanamony and then walk back into the kitchen.
I meet and take the mostly nice people's orders. And then.........in walks Ms. Crankypants! I should have known that she was trouble by the way she drew on her eyebrows. They seemed to say to me, "You better watch out because I have my crankypants on and Hell hath no Fury like a woman ready to eat!" I sidled up to her table, making every attempt to NOT talk to her eyebrows, but to look at her eyes instead (Oh, it was hard....) "Can I get you something to drink?" I politely ask her. "Do you know how to mix half orange juice and half cranberry juice?" She asks with a hint of disdain. "Um.......yea, half orange juice and half cranberry." I wanted to reply back, but instead I said, " I think I can manage that!"
I get her the rocket science juice and then took her order. She wanted the Lemon Pepper Fish, but with no pasta. Coming right up! The dining room was hopping and people were chatting away as they sipped on drinks and slurped their Asiago Soup. Yes, I proudly said to myself, I can do this! Then, the GLITCH! The orders were taking FOREVER to get out. What was a new girl like me to do? So, I went into the bathroom and cried buckets and buckets--hee hee! Kidding! Do you actually think that I would CRY over orders not getting out? Come on, I have been bitten before! I am much tougher than that. I just waited patiently, tapped my toe occasionally, and mentally made the chef go faster! Didn't help. What did Ms. Crankypants do every time I walked out the double doors? "Where's my order?" She would bark out! Woof woof woof woof woof! I would just smile and say in my polite voice, "It is coming out soon!" " I have been waiting LONG enough!" okay. Then from the table kittycorner is my NEW best friend (sorry ladies!), Beau and well, Beau hears the groans coming from Ms. Crankypants' table and this is his response," They oughta kick that dumb blonde out of here that stupid *&$#@ (censored--he didn't really say asterick, and, dollar sign, pound sign, and at sign). I wanted to howl with laughter, but instead got him a refill of hot tea. Beau, this is for you! Three Cheers!
I got Ms. Crankypants' fish and set it proudly in front of her. "This is not what I ordered." She barks AGAIN! Woof Woof Woof Woof......The sweet lady sitting across from her tells her that indeed it is. She begins to eat. "Where's the sauce for the fish?" " Well, where's my huge tip that you are going to leave me for dealing with you and your cranky eyebrows?" I get her the sauce, she eats the darn fish, a cookie, and slips quietly back to her room to rest and hopefully remove her eyebrows and her crankypants! Thank you, for making my first day memorable! You can bet your bottom dollar that I will be coming back for more. Oh, and next time you choose to parade around in your crankypants, just know that I have brought my baseball bat and will be hitting those things right out of the ball park! Can I get an AMEN!

*please note that I have changed names because I got in trouble for mentioning the place I work at and could possibly lose my job--oops! It was dumb and I apologize for it!